Wednesday, February 10, 2010


motherizm n - 1. a word or phrase your mother would say to you with that knowing, and wise look which was supposed to reel you back in when you had strayed further than she thought you should have gone; either verbally or physically. 2. something your crazy mother said which you thoroughly hated.3. something your equally crazy father would say to infuriate you even more.

No matter who your mother is, as you were growing up she had her special colloquialisms which by the time you were 15 years old you knew by heart; but never quite knew what they meant or you blew it off as the ranting of a crazy woman who was ready to be committed. that is until you became and adult, had children of your own or both. I have gathered a few of the better ones, however additions are definitely welcome.

As a side note, motherizms does not exclude fathers. A few of the motherizms listed below were actually uttered repeatedly by my father.

"Common sense aint so common"
This one i found to be quite baffling, my thinking was is if was indeed "common" sense then of course it had to be common! needless to say it was quite a day when the light of understanding was shed on that one.

"I hope you have a kid just like you"
At this point, i don't think this one needs any explanation at all.

"All closed eyes ain't sleep and all goodbyes ain't gone"
This one was a bit confusing until i saw it in action. what she meant was just because she looks like she is asleep that doesn't mean that she is. By the same token just because you saw her car leave 5 minutes ago, that does not mean that she won't double back on you.

"Pat the lion on the head until you can get your arm out of his mouth"
At the point when one was ready to do something stupid, (like quit a job knowing that you had no other source of income) this phrase became the thought of the day.

"Dont cut off your nose to spite your face"
Yet again another motherizm which was relevant at the time you were about to do something so stupid, it would hurt you more than anyone else.

"A leopard doesn't change his spots"
No explanation needed, I'm sure.

"Let sleepin' dogs lie"
Yet another straight forward warning.

"Lay down with dogs you'll get up with flees"
This particular phrase was the first one uttered when one of us girls happened to be interested in, or dating someone my mother didn't approve of.

"Laughin' and stretchin' is catchin"
This was an admonishment for laughing at the young girl who happened to get herself knocked up.

(to avoid the previous condition one should be sure to...)
"Keep your pants up and your dresses down"
Previously explained... I'm sure.

"There's a dead cat on that line"
Translation - I'm not buying that story, try again.

"Check your self before you wreck yourself"
This was one of those warnings that came with an acute and extended stare, it was meant to make you do a real quick self evaluation before something painful happened.

"Everything come out on wash day"

You can lie about it today but rest assured the truth will come out.

"Something in the milk aint clean"
There's more to the story that you are not telling.

"Imma beat you til you roke like okra"
Now there was a particularly sticky situation surrounding this quote cause by the time she said this you were definitely in a whole lot of trouble' but it was funny unfortunately you were too afraid to laugh. (BTW, okra when cooked becomes limp and slimey so what she meant was she was going to beat you until you became slimey and limp. The great beat down.)

"It dont make no my feet with me"
All righty! this is one of the more shall we say southern quotes... it means I dont care what you do. When these words were hurled at you she was throwing up her hands and allowing you to screw up at will.

"Your name aint Sue you go to"
Meaning you are no one special, the same rules apply to you as well as everyone else.

"Going there cant tell been there how to get there"
No saying has ever been more infuriating than this one. because this one was repeateded so regularly. It meant she had experienced way more than I had so I wasn't qualified to tell her anything.

"I been around the world more times than you've been around a ham bone"
Yet again another quote to make you acknowledge the vast amount of knowledge she had gained in her many years on earth; which is in direct contrast to the supposed knowledge that you may think you have.

"Don't count your chickens before they hatch"
Meaning don't count on something before you actually have it.

"Don't write a check your ass can't cash"
I believe this one is definitely self explanatory.

"A bird in the hand beats 2 in the bush"

Another self explanatory quote.

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